My healing journey and awakening to my true self started about 14 years ago. When people talk about a “healing journey,” we often imagine someone overcoming a serious illness or curing a lifelong physical condition.

But my journey has been different. I wasn’t overcoming severe physical abuse or devastating trauma from my childhood or teen years. My wounds were more subtle, rooted in mental and emotional pain.

Understanding Emotional Pain: The Hidden Wounds

It’s taken me a long time to really understand the impact of growing up in a household where there was conflict, crippling anxiety, emotional suppression, and not much open, loving communication. My parents did the best they could with what they had; they were navigating their own challenges. I don’t blame them for what happened—they were doing the best they knew how. I can see how my Mum has struggled with the same emotional wounds and continues to be tormented by them.

For me, the coping mechanisms I developed—hypervigilance, over-functioning, addictive behaviours, and attachment trauma—were ways to survive in that environment. I felt like I had to be constantly on guard, always alert to my mum’s unpredictable moods and reactions. It was like walking on eggshells, never sure when something I said or did might set off a reaction. I was always tense, worried that the atmosphere could change at any moment, leaving me trying to figure out what went wrong and how to make it right.

I became obsessed with overanalyzing everything—every word, every gesture, every change in tone—always looking for signs of danger. It was exhausting to be in that state of constant alertness, my body and mind always braced for something unpredictable. Underneath it all, I felt a deep insecurity and fear, like I had to prove myself or manage everything around me to keep things from falling apart.

The Impact Of Childhood Experiences On Mental Health

As I got older, I became an over-functioning addict, throwing myself into every task and responsibility. I felt like I had to be everywhere, doing everything perfectly. If I wasn’t busy, I felt uneasy, as though my worth depended on my ability to control my surroundings. I often took on roles that weren’t mine, stepping in to solve problems or care for others who hadn’t even asked for my help. I believed that by doing more, I could somehow feel secure and loved. I set impossibly high standards for myself and pushed myself relentlessly, always chasing approval and a sense of worth.

This endless striving left me feeling disconnected from my true self, my own needs, and desires. I was so focused on making others happy and meeting their expectations that I lost touch with what I truly wanted. My self-worth became tied to how productive I was and how much approval I could earn from others.

Emotional dysregulation was a constant in my life. My emotions were always just beneath the surface, ready to spill over at any moment. Even small things—a change in someone’s tone, a text left unanswered, a friend seeming distant—could send me spiralling. It reminded me of those feelings I had with my mum—always trying to read her moods and keep things under control, always on edge.

Coping Mechanisms: From Hypervigilance To Over-Functioning

Then there was the attachment trauma that quietly shaped my relationships. I had this deep fear of abandonment, a worry that if I wasn’t good enough or if I messed up, the people I cared about would leave me or stop loving me. I felt like I was never enough like I had to keep proving myself to be loved.

This led to me seeking out the love and affection I felt I didn’t receive as a child through my relationships with men. I craved the attention and intimacy that I hadn’t always gotten at home. I often looked for intimacy as a way to fill a void, to feel seen and valued in a way I hadn’t before. I wanted someone to reassure me that I was enough, that I was lovable.

These experiences left me feeling deeply disconnected from my body and inner world. I became so used to being out of touch with my own emotions and desires that it started to feel normal, leaving me feeling lost and ungrounded.

The Path To Reconnection: How Qigong Helped Me Heal

Discovering Qigong was a turning point for me. It helped me reconnect with my body, mind, and spirit. At first, it simply helped me feel more grounded and emotionally balanced, which was such a relief. But over time, as I dove deeper into Yang Sheng Fa and the Daoist understanding of the psyche, I found a framework to better understand myself, manage my anxiety and hypervigilance and regulate my nervous system. These practices have helped me slowly peel back the layers of protection I built around my true self, allowing me to reconnect with who I really am.

Teaching and sharing Qigong with others has been a deeply rewarding aspect of my healing journey. Guiding others through the practices that have supported me reinforces my own learning and growth. When I see others find balance and experience their own healing through Qigong, it feels like I’m making a purposeful contribution to the world.

The wisdom of Qigong integrates so many different elements: physical movement, contemplation, stillness, presence, and lifestyle guidance. Healing and evolving through this perspective has inspired me to continue growing, both as a person and as a teacher.

At times I still find myself grappling with hypervigilance and the urge to control situations and relationships. Occasionally, I slip into unhealthy coping mechanisms or seek out ways to avoid or numb my feelings. Admitting this to myself and sharing it with others is new and a bit daunting for me, but it’s part of the journey towards greater self-awareness and healing.

If you're on your own healing journey, take your time to explore what genuinely resonates with you. Whether it’s through Qigong or another practice, there’s always a way to reconnect with yourself and find your path to balance and peace.

If you're curious about how Qigong can support your own healing journey, I invite you to explore it for yourself. Join my free mini-course and discover simple yet powerful practices to help you reconnect with your body, calm your mind, and find a sense of ease.

If you’re seeking to deepen your practice or work on a particular aspect of your healing, get in touch to work one-to-one in my Dao of Health 12-week program.